Can we talk about pancakes?
Pancakes, man. AmIright??
For the record, my mom makes the BEST pancakes. The. Best. Like, you will eat to the point of pain. And then you’ll wait a little bit and then eat some cold pancakes. They’re that good.
For the other (?) record, I prefer my pancakes with butter, no syrup. Preferably with some organic, hand-rolled butter from grass-fed cows, but that’s because I’m a pretentious a-hole. Syrup just masks the delicious carb-y goodness of the ‘cakes.
Anyway. Can we also talk about what should have ruined pancakes for me–but didn’t?
Can we talk about ovary pancakes??
Some of you may be laughing already, because you know where I’m going with this. Some yahoo decided to make a sex ed (why don’t they call it “menstruation ed”? That would have been more honest) video, and when it came down to showing young girls what their reproductive systems looked like in detail, he/she (let’s face it, it was probably a he) thought, “PANCAKES. THAT’S HOW WE’LL TEACH THESE YOUNG IMPRESSIONABLE FLOWERS ABOUT THEIR GIRL-GUTS.” Sicko.
As I remember it, the boys had had their sex ed (which should have been named “Nocturnal Ejaculation Is Normal Ed”) a day or two before we girls did. There was increased activity on the playground as we fifth grade girls chased the boys, trying to get them to tell us what their sex ed was all about. Of course, I had an older brother, and being a nosey little sister I had already read his “Nocturnal Ejaculation Is Normal” booklet and knew all about it. I didn’t let that on, though, because that would have ruined the fun of chasing the boys.
So later that week they take all the boys out and leave us girls for our special class. They pass us out our booklets and then shut off the lights so we can watch a movie. As I recall, the plot is two girls on a sleepover when one of the girls gets her period overnight. ZOMG. So the next morning over breakfast, to explain what in the world is going on with the crimson tide, the mom decides to make pancakes in the shape of the female reproductive system. You know, like you always do in those situations.
To this day, whenever my doctor is talking to me about something going on in my girl-guts, I picture the batter being poured into a uterus, then ovaries, then–whee!–the fallopian tubes. So I guess the video did its job.
As we left the room after the video, all the other fifth grade girls were like, “Ewwww! Who would EAT those pancakes?”
And I was like, “Uh, I WOULD. Dudes, isn’t anyone else hungry?”